[NOT FOR DISTRIBUTION. COUNSEL REVIEW PENDING]
[EMBARGOED UNTIL 9:50AM EST MONDAY 9/18]
[For discussion purposes only. Please keep confidential.]
Friends of Lowercarbon,
Blah blah opening stuff. Anyone notice how hot it’s been? Storms, floods, drought. It’s all a mess.
[<– All right, we don’t need to say more here. It’s been on the front page basically every day, and it’s just going to freak everyone out.]
By the way, the audience focus group research team tells us these are the key points to hit:
**We went out and raised two new funds to keep Unfucking the Planet.
[<– Choose different wording. We didn’t go out to raise funds, we stayed in. We were oversubscribed by multiple times before we sent out the fundraising letter.]
**This additional $550 million puts us over $2 billion under management.
[<– Maybe discuss how we remain the industry leader in pre-seed and seed deals, but all of this scratch allows us to keep funding our companies for their entire journeys. We also added some new strategic LPs who are big customers for our portfolio.]
**We tripled the size of the team this year.
[<– Can someone please get those new scientist, investor, and platform bios up on the page? What’s the status? Are we still just waiting on that photographer?]
**We love our portfolio founders, and they love us back . They are our biggest source of dealflow, and their references make it so easy for us to raise. We have a new page that collects some of their endorsements.
[<– I don’t think we need to say this out loud. Do we? Let’s have people just find https://lowercarboncapital.com/preach on their own.]
**We’ve built all this without taking any blood money from countries actively working to undermine democracy while trampling human rights and obstructing efforts to solve the climate emergency. Maybe your firm could try that too?
[<– Oh shit, we’re going there? All right. I mean, it’s true. Call it like we see it. But let’s be ready for a call from State. Blinken ain’t gonna love this.]
**It’s working. Visionary founders, exponential progress, tailwinds from the IRA, decoupling from China, etc., etc.” (Should we mention how _______ has rolled out __________ and is now grabbing insane market share from _________ and shoring up domestic electrification supply chains?)
[<– Umm, seriously? NFW. Looking at our calendars, this week is too busy for managing an international incident. So let’s keep that development between us. Redact the above immediately.]
**We’ll be at Climate Week, Clinton Global Initiative, the United Nations, and a bunch of other
[<– I don’t think we are allowed to say that last part. Maybe ask Beyonce and Jay-Z for permission first? Also, these world leaders know I’m never going to wear a suit, right?]
In closing, something something something, effusive thanks for the support. But then shift credit away from ourselves and direct it to our portfolio companies that are literally bending the arc of human progress and giving our species a shot. One might say they are “Unfucking the Planet.”
[<– We used this phrase above already. You know we have a one unfuck per post rule here. Keep working.]
Maybe we add a couple of sentences like, “Let’s be clear, shit is going to get worse before it gets better, but it will definitely get better, and hundreds of millions of lives will be saved. We are doing everything we can to make that happen faster than anyone has imagined.”
[<– Are we seriously going to be the only VCs ever who don’t say “humbled and blessed”? See, this is why we need a comms person. If we keep making amateur moves like this, we’ll never earn the respect of anyone in blue blazers and khaki pants.]
[Overall, this is an okay start. But it needs a lot of work. With the web dude out of office, do any of us even know how to push it to WordPress? Who are we thinking of leaking it to? I know Tucker Carlson came inbound, but is he really the best place to announce this? The newest hires tell me we need to put this on TikTok as a dance. I’m open.]